TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
