Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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