i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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