Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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