imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize