We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You made out with two different species that night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
