Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize