corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
