It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
