I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
