Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
