i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize