Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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