There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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