I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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