I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
