Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
