Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
