She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize