I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
