...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
