Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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