I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
