Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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