I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
