oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
