Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
