He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think my moral compass just broke
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