i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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