She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
