Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
