Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
