and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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