Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
