Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
