i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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