I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
