i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
