On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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