Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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