My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
