no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
