so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
