Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
