You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
