I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
