I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize