I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize