You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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