life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
