He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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