dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No subtext here. People are naked.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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