She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
