I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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