i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
His hands were made for my vagina.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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