Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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