I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The air was thick with penises
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
