I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
