Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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