Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize