So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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