i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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