p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
