You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize