I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
