he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
