Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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