He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
