I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
