He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize