white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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