The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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