Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
