Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
