He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
