You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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