my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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