Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
