I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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