I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
