She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
