I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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