Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
