Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
