It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
