Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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