The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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