Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
