i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
