Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
