I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
