i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
17 year olds will be the death of me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
