i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
can u get pink eye on your cock?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Randomize
